I had a terrible experience recently.
I’ll back up first. I’ve blogged before about how 2017 was the most challenging year of my life. The struggles were so strong and I continue to deal with the fall-out from the challenges to this day including major depressive episodes and PTSD. I can’t say it gets better with each passing day, but I do have a nice two steps forward, one step back model going. I have alluded to some of these challenges on my blog before and other ones, I have left out entirely for various reasons.
One of the biggest fall-outs from last year was loss of relationships with people that I used to be really close to. As I was surrounded by pain, I retreated into myself and withdrew from everyone but a small circle of support. I purged all of my social media. I wanted so badly to erase the things that I had walked through and start fresh. I miss all of the information I purged, but as the same time, I know it was what I needed to help myself survive during that time.
I also wrote a blog post awhile back about eliminating toxic people from your life. This is something I still believe very strongly in. If they don’t add to the quality of your life, they don’t deserve your time or energy. I didn’t specify who I was talking about when I wrote that post for a couple of reasons. First, I didn’t want to put the information out there regarding who I was talking about. Secondly, I always hope that my blog can touch on universal thoughts and feelings that we all experience and by keeping it general then it might be easier for other people to transpose themselves into the narrative I am describing. Maybe this was a mistake though because I’ve heard from a few people that they assumed I was talking about them because they hadn’t heard from me for awhile.
I can’t emphasize enough how much that was never my intention. I hope nothing came across like a passive-aggressive way to make digs at someone and call them toxic. When I wrote that blog, I was in a very dark place and I was referring specifically to a former employer and a former partner from an abusive relationship. Therefore, if you haven’t employed me or dated me, you can cross yourself off the list! There’s also plenty of people who have employed me and dated me that I adore and am so grateful for their time in my life so even people who meet that criteria shouldn’t assume I am talking about them. Actually, it is most likely that anyone who has access to this blog isn’t one of the people I am referring to. It breaks my heart to think there would be more people out there who thought I was referring to them as toxic that I never heard from. If anything I’ve ever written has hurt your feelings, let me offer my sincerest apologies right now.
On this path of vulnerability, I will still make mistakes and, without meaning to, hurt someone’s feelings. So, when you hurt someone’s feelings, you say you are sorry. Also, even though I am trying to embrace more and more vulnerability in my life, there are a lot of things I do not share. I hope to one day share more details about my challenges last year, but I need to fully recover from them first. I will get there one day, but I am not there yet.
My wish for all of us, navigating this complicated path called life, is for less misunderstandings and more communication. I hope this experience makes me a better writer, better blogger, and a better human being.
And I appreciate and love you all.
Thanks for reading.